I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
