My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
