pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
