HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
