Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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