I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
home. puking in laundry basket.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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