Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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