oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
