Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
