so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
