So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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