I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
