david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
