oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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