I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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