I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
