Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
