So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
