Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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