Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
