Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
