i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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