just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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