Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
