Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
