You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
