im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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