Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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