Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize