You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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