Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
