i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
