Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
