Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
