my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
