we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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