Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
