they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
