People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
