how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
