Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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