Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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