did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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