I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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