i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
