College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
