So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
