apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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