This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
