Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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