if i can run in heels then i can drive
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
