I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
