i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
