He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
