I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
