Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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