hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
