you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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