my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
