I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
