Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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