y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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