aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
