want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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