i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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