But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
