What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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