remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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