so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
