He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
