you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
