Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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