I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
