I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
