A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
