My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
