Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
