How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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