Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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